Looking back on my childhood, the last memory I have of genuinely embodying my authentic self was in grade five. I had two long braids bouncing on my shoulders, proudly wore thick-rimmed glasses, and was a curious and avid student. I loved the Backstreet Boys almost as much as books and spent most of my free time outdoors — daydreaming, biking, and writing stories in my journal.
I was an introverted, sensitive, intuitive, and adaptable girl. Growing up, I was easily influenced by my environment, society, culture, religion, and family — absorbing their beliefs and values without question. I keenly observed the fulfilment and benefits that came with people-pleasing and striving for perfection, as the adults around me were quick to reward and encourage this behaviour. Throughout the rest of my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, I mastered adapting to people and situations, and aspiring to become the perfect daughter, student, employee, boss, friend, girlfriend, wife, and woman.
These attempts at self-control never seemed to stick, and I would find myself rebelling, acting out, and picking up secret bad habits to stay sane. In the process, I began to lose my sense of self, quiet my intuition and confidence, and blur the lines of who I really was and wanted to be. Over the last 10 months, I’ve started to become curious about who I want to become in 10, 20, and even 30 years. As a result, I have been doing some deep inner work to peel away these stubborn and ingrained layers and old beliefs, and hopefully, find the version of myself that I lost so many years ago.
This journey of deconditioning and rediscovery started last year on New Year’s Eve. I had just spent Christmas attending parties and functions alone, which was extremely difficult. On December 31, I remember struggling to get myself dressed and ready to go out — even though every cell in my body wanted to stay home alone with my dog. I ignored this feeling, of course, and went out with a friend. As the countdown approached, I looked around the seedy, dark bar, feeling despondent, and thinking to myself: Why in the hell are you here, Kamila? Why is it so hard for you to say no? As the new year rolled in and everyone around me was celebrating, I made a promise never to put myself in this type of situation again.
A few months later, I was driving to work and came across Lacy Phillips’ interview on the Almost 30 podcast, speaking about her formula on magnetism. I was super intrigued and immediately drawn to her energy and story, devouring her YouTube videos and listening to her phenomenal podcast, Expanded. Shortly after, I decided to sign up for her online workshops.
In her manifestation formula and unblocking workshops, Lacy guides you through journal exercises, deep imaginings, and reprogramming meditations to raise your self worth and become your most “whole, worthy, and authentic self.” Lacy believes that when our self worth is high, we become magnetic — co-creating with the universe and attracting the things we want in our lives. One of the first exercises that I did in the workshop was to find my authentic code. Using this code below, I am making changes in my life and focusing my energy on the things, activities, people, and opportunities that align with these four elements.
My Authentic Code
Movement/Freedom — moving my body every day to release stagnant energy, progressing in my spiritual and emotional growth, feeling free and independent, financial freedom, flexibility, dancing, moving forward in my purpose, being in creative flow, love of learning, travelling, drawn to change and transformation.
Beauty/Luxury — design, art, nature, museums, appreciating aesthetics and luxury, creating, comfort, security, beauty and skin products, elegant clothing, collecting beautiful books, flowers, plants, feeling inspired, organic foods, fine wine.
Wellness/Self Care — time for my spiritual practice, meditation, exercise, healthy eating, wellness, beauty and skincare rituals, time in nature, baths, intuitive eating, feeling centred, inner work, journaling, reading, sunbathing, grounding, massages, spas, retreats, resting, having space just for me, sustainability, caring for the earth.
Communication/Connection — to nature, animals, plants, water, spirit guides, mother earth, communication, expression, helping others grow, feeling grounded, using my voice, singing, healing, seeing patterns, connecting the dots, intuition, empathy, writing, feeling seen, one on one connection with people, having meaningful and inspiring discussions.
My first experience with manifestation was when I was calling in a new partner and a new house (with loads of help from my caring and patient realtor, Travis Lee Blahitka). To date, I have found a compassionate and expansive partner and the most beautiful starter-home surrounded by nature that even backs onto an off-leash dog trail and bio-reserve.
Doing this work can be challenging, but I’m slowly learning to say no without feeling guilty, letting go of people and things that no longer serve me, and setting physical and energetic boundaries. When I need to make a decision, I ask myself: Does this put me in a place of high self-worth and does it align with my code? If the answers are no; then I simply don’t do it. If it’s something that I can’t get out of, I try to delegate some of the work or incorporate an element of my authentic code, whenever possible. As I continue working through these courses, I can feel myself metamorphosing and becoming a woman that I am beginning to recognize and actually like when I look in the mirror.
If this work is resonating with you, I highly recommend you listen to the Expanded podcast first to learn more, as Lacy shares a plethora of information in each episode. The online workshops are available as a la carte or through a yearly membership. You can try the Clarity Workshop for free and see if you enjoy the process.